Thinking Back

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Sometimes I think so much that I can't go to sleep at night, my mind races with all of the thoughts of the day coming to the surface.  My brain is trying to sort out all of the information it has been given throughout the day, week, month, even year.  

For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about certain people from my past.  One person in particular was a best friend in high school.  For privacy reasons, I will call her Mava.  Mava and I shared a lot of fabulous memories, and some of those memories are what I think about.  We went on some great joy rides to the middle of nowhere, spent many nights together at each others' houses, listened to music really loudly and laughed at the people who said we were lesbians just because we spent so much time together.  High schoolers can be cruel can't they?  We just thought it was funny and didn't care.  

Do you ever wish you could turn back the clock and undo the mistakes you made?  I do.  There was a time in my life where I was utterly stupid.  It was as if I had turned into a different person.  I know that if I hadn't made all of my mistakes, I wouldn't have become the person I am now and I like that person.  Still, there are some wrongs I do wish I could make right.  If I could, I wouldn't have given up my friendship with Mava.  She was a great friend and I just let that go.  I am not sure if I ever said I was sorry, but I am.  I probably never told her how much I loved her and how much our time together meant to me.  She made my high school experience unforgettable and bearable and fun.  I have thought about her so much throughout the years and we are still friends even though we do not keep in touch and I do still love her.

The day we leave our childhood homes, we also leave our childhood friends.  Some people never leave or may even leave together.  Some go to college and make new friends.  At least that is how it used to be.  Now we have computers and it is so easy to keep in touch even though we are living our own separate lives.  The friends I had are still my friends (at least it says they are on Facebook).  If we are lucky, a few of those friends come back into our lives and stay there forever, I am a lucky one.  At some point, we start to think back on the people we have shared moments with, the people we played with at preschool, on the elementary school playground, the ones in our marching band, basketball teams, swim teams, youth groups, etc. We should be grateful for all of those moments because those are the moments that help to shape our futures.  People come into our lives and sometimes they go away.  It is a cycle, but that does not mean that they are ever forgotten or that the time we spent with them is any less significant.  

I am so grateful for all of the people I had known or ever will know.  And Mava, if you are reading this I just want to say thank you for making my life better.  Having you as my friend helped make me a better person and I still love you.