Happy New Year! This year I vow to... This must be someone else's blog, because I will not vow to do anything! I decided a long time ago not to make promises that I cannot or will not keep. Especially promises about changing myself. I can vow to try to make changes, but who knows how much effort I will really put into it? There is the key word, "effort." Anything worth doing requires effort. Heck anything not worth doing requires effort. It takes effort to get out of bed in the morning, but we do it to get to the job or to get the kids to school or to get to the gym. It takes effort to do the laundry, the dishes, make dinner and other household chores, but we do these things because we have to. So why can't we harness our efforts into other aspects of our lives? Make the effort to spend 5 or 10 minutes with your children just playing with the Legos or take the dog for a 15 minute walk or step away from the pantry at 9 o'clock at night. These things seem so much more difficult and require more effort, but the difference is that these things are more rewarding than doing the laundry or getting up to go to work. The effort you put forth to play and laugh and have fun or exercise is effort you put into making yourself healthier and happier. So try it for a day and see if putting effort into just one extra thing pays off. Write down how it made you feel to see the smile on your child's face when you had that tickle fight before bed or when you overcame your nighttime demons that told you you had to have those M & M's. Okay, so maybe I can't vow to change, but I can make the effort every once in a while to do something different and if it feels good, maybe I will continue to do it tomorrow and the next day. I won't promise anything as we all know that making promises requires the most effort.
Good luck on all of your journeys this year. May they all be effortless ;-)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Learning Opportunities
Tonight I am reflecting on the past few weeks. I am amazed at how little time it takes for one to have a learning experience and to change their views. Life is strange and ever changing. In my last post, I wrote about how broken I felt. Since then I have had a lot of time to sit with my emotions. I want you to understand that that last post was just one solitary night. I did go through some blue moments throughout the next few days, but I was in the process of healing. At this moment in time, I am happy and feeling more fulfilled. I have been working a lot of hours and I really enjoy my job and the people I work with. In fact, I am not sure what I would do if I did not have that outlet and adult contact. I might go to the gym more or do more housework or maybe just read. Who knows? What I do know is that I am very thankful to have a job that can take me away from day to day life and worries, a job that makes me feel important, valued and smart. I am one lucky person.
I have also been praying a lot lately. I don't pray in the same way I used to. When I was younger, I used to ask G-d to give me things and to bring me what I so desperately wanted. Sometimes this worked and sometimes it didn't. When it did, the outcome was never what I had expected. I realize now that I was asking too much and feeling like I was owed things in my life when in reality, I hadn't really done anything to deserve what I was asking for. I was selfish. Now I pray in a different way. I thank G-d for the wonderfulness of my life and for the challenges that I have been through whether large or small. I remember to be thankful for the family, friends, health and happiness in my life. I pray for other people, but never ask too much, just for health and happiness. I pray differently now because I have learned that selfish prayer does not work. At least not for me. I have learned this through reading and self exploration. I had to figure out what I was comfortable with and I also had to let G-d know that I truly believe in Him and that I truly love Him and that I want/ need Him in my life. I have been clearing my mind every night and making room for G-d to do His work on me. I have meditated and sat in silence. I have become comfortable with my prayers.
Recently, my husband and I were faced with some trials. He has been unhappy with the company he works for, his job and the way he has been treated for some time. This is what I have been fervently praying about. I want him to be happy and I want him to be healthy. I also want him to be valued and respected for all of the hard work he has done. He has been with his company for 15 years. He has called in sick maybe three times in all of those years. He has worked extra shifts, covered for other coworkers and generally gone above and beyond the call of duty for this company. That being said, his boss had made some promises that she was unable to keep and this put a very sour taste in our mouths. We were sickened by the way he was being treated. After 15 years, they still seemed to be looking at him as if he were disposable. He knows this company inside and out. He is always learning in order to find the best solutions for his customers/ patients and he knows more about the company's inner business workings than most. After one particular talk with his boss, it seemed to us that he had reached the "glass ceiling" and in order to break through, we would either have to move or look to another company to get what he so richly deserves. This saddened us and scared us all at the same time, but if that was the direction that we had to take for him to feel valued and be happy again, then that is what we would do. Promptly he found a company that wanted to hire him. The problem was that he would lose a week of vacation, have to travel 30 minutes further and the offer came in at a lower rate than what was discussed. On the plus side, he would be back on day shift, be in a new position (one of more power and responsibility) and would be able to focus on his health for the first time in three years. So the question was, take the offer and perhaps lose the benefits we have that are so amazing as well as losing money or stay where he is and continue to look while staying miserable. What if he looked and nothing better came along? What if we had to move from a place we call home and have grown to love? So, what did we do? We prayed. We asked G-d to bring us a new challenge. We asked for guidance and we thanked Him for bringing this difficult decision because we knew it was another learning experience. In the next few days, we talked a lot and consulted with family and friends. Then after a night of deep prayer and meditation our question seemed to be answered. The company that we had become so disheartened with called with an offer. A terrific offer. The terms have not yet been solidified, but we are very hopeful. We know that this change in our lives will be a challenge, but we have faith that we can get through it and learn from whatever life has in store for us.
I have spoken a lot about prayer and G-d in this post, but I want to be clear of something. While I do believe that G-d has a hand in how our lives are run and what lies ahead for us, I also believe that we have a choice in our own future. I feel that we have to work with G-d in order to know what is best for us. The challenges we are faced with and choices we are presented with are places for us to start new life lessons. We are always learning. I feel that G-d wants us to learn and evolve as we age. I also feel that this is a way to bring us closer to Him. We may never understand why G-d or life brings us these challenges or why our particular prayers were answered or not. We are allowed to be sceptical of what lies ahead because the waters are always going to be a little turbulent at times. It is faith that keeps us moving forward. Now I am talking about faith in ourselves. Knowing that we can make the best decisions in our own lives. After all, G-d can't make the decisions for us, He can only present us with the choices. I am not ashamed to say that I pray or that I believe in the power of the Divine and His presence within me. I am not a person who will tell others how to pray. I just know what works for me and what I am comfortable with. I believe that you have to find it in your own way and no one person is wrong in how they express themselves to G-d. We are all individuals for a reason. I also believe that we are supposed to learn from each other and grow in every experience. My hope is that we will all keep learning and enjoy the journey of life.
Paula G
I have also been praying a lot lately. I don't pray in the same way I used to. When I was younger, I used to ask G-d to give me things and to bring me what I so desperately wanted. Sometimes this worked and sometimes it didn't. When it did, the outcome was never what I had expected. I realize now that I was asking too much and feeling like I was owed things in my life when in reality, I hadn't really done anything to deserve what I was asking for. I was selfish. Now I pray in a different way. I thank G-d for the wonderfulness of my life and for the challenges that I have been through whether large or small. I remember to be thankful for the family, friends, health and happiness in my life. I pray for other people, but never ask too much, just for health and happiness. I pray differently now because I have learned that selfish prayer does not work. At least not for me. I have learned this through reading and self exploration. I had to figure out what I was comfortable with and I also had to let G-d know that I truly believe in Him and that I truly love Him and that I want/ need Him in my life. I have been clearing my mind every night and making room for G-d to do His work on me. I have meditated and sat in silence. I have become comfortable with my prayers.
Recently, my husband and I were faced with some trials. He has been unhappy with the company he works for, his job and the way he has been treated for some time. This is what I have been fervently praying about. I want him to be happy and I want him to be healthy. I also want him to be valued and respected for all of the hard work he has done. He has been with his company for 15 years. He has called in sick maybe three times in all of those years. He has worked extra shifts, covered for other coworkers and generally gone above and beyond the call of duty for this company. That being said, his boss had made some promises that she was unable to keep and this put a very sour taste in our mouths. We were sickened by the way he was being treated. After 15 years, they still seemed to be looking at him as if he were disposable. He knows this company inside and out. He is always learning in order to find the best solutions for his customers/ patients and he knows more about the company's inner business workings than most. After one particular talk with his boss, it seemed to us that he had reached the "glass ceiling" and in order to break through, we would either have to move or look to another company to get what he so richly deserves. This saddened us and scared us all at the same time, but if that was the direction that we had to take for him to feel valued and be happy again, then that is what we would do. Promptly he found a company that wanted to hire him. The problem was that he would lose a week of vacation, have to travel 30 minutes further and the offer came in at a lower rate than what was discussed. On the plus side, he would be back on day shift, be in a new position (one of more power and responsibility) and would be able to focus on his health for the first time in three years. So the question was, take the offer and perhaps lose the benefits we have that are so amazing as well as losing money or stay where he is and continue to look while staying miserable. What if he looked and nothing better came along? What if we had to move from a place we call home and have grown to love? So, what did we do? We prayed. We asked G-d to bring us a new challenge. We asked for guidance and we thanked Him for bringing this difficult decision because we knew it was another learning experience. In the next few days, we talked a lot and consulted with family and friends. Then after a night of deep prayer and meditation our question seemed to be answered. The company that we had become so disheartened with called with an offer. A terrific offer. The terms have not yet been solidified, but we are very hopeful. We know that this change in our lives will be a challenge, but we have faith that we can get through it and learn from whatever life has in store for us.
I have spoken a lot about prayer and G-d in this post, but I want to be clear of something. While I do believe that G-d has a hand in how our lives are run and what lies ahead for us, I also believe that we have a choice in our own future. I feel that we have to work with G-d in order to know what is best for us. The challenges we are faced with and choices we are presented with are places for us to start new life lessons. We are always learning. I feel that G-d wants us to learn and evolve as we age. I also feel that this is a way to bring us closer to Him. We may never understand why G-d or life brings us these challenges or why our particular prayers were answered or not. We are allowed to be sceptical of what lies ahead because the waters are always going to be a little turbulent at times. It is faith that keeps us moving forward. Now I am talking about faith in ourselves. Knowing that we can make the best decisions in our own lives. After all, G-d can't make the decisions for us, He can only present us with the choices. I am not ashamed to say that I pray or that I believe in the power of the Divine and His presence within me. I am not a person who will tell others how to pray. I just know what works for me and what I am comfortable with. I believe that you have to find it in your own way and no one person is wrong in how they express themselves to G-d. We are all individuals for a reason. I also believe that we are supposed to learn from each other and grow in every experience. My hope is that we will all keep learning and enjoy the journey of life.
Paula G
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Broken
I find myself all tangled up tonight. I have had a burning inside me for days now and tonight it has come to a front. I found myself crying. No that's not right, weeping. So much has been going on and I am raging inside. Yesterday morning I found out that a cousin of mine had passed unexpectedly of an aneurysm in the night. This was a cousin who knew me since I was born. A man who bore some resemblance to my grandfather and also one of the last people who came to visit my grandmother while she was still alive, shortly before her death. His wife is a bit younger and I am worried for her. I love them both dearly. I allowed myself to weep when I read the sad news and I called my parents and my sister. One thing I chose not to do was burden my friends with this because most of them were already going through so much. The hurricane had just hit and so many people were still without electricity. I didn't want to cry on their already burdened shoulders. So I carried the weight around and was content to do so until tonight. Tonight I finally realized how much emotion I have been battling the past several days. My baby is going to Kindergarten next week and he has Aspergers. Have I prepared him enough? Will the teacher be kind? Will he really get what he needs? He has been seeing a new therapist and we have put in a lot of work for and with her. My oldest son has been gone for most of the summer and he is finally back. He is running the gamut with his emotions as summer comes to a close. He came downstairs the night after the hurricane and told me he was scared because something inside him said he should die. He is nine. He shouldn't be feeling this way. I know he was overwhelmed with exhaustion, but still this scares me. My husband is being given the run around at work and he is exploring new options. My college courses on line just started. I have picked up a lot of hours at work. I am trying to get a raise. I can't get in touch with my district manager. He hasn't returned my emails or phone calls for the past two months. My mind is racing. I am going at full tilt and I am clinging to my husband and children for dear life. Life is moving faster than the speed of light and I am becoming scared and I feel like a wreck inside. I am living with the knowledge that I can't slow any of this down. The summer went like a dandelion in the breeze and the end of the year is approaching. Stores have holiday decorations out already. I am losing time. Tonight I felt broken. I am trying to piece myself back together with order and rationality. Right now I just feel like I am being kicked. Last night for the first time in my life, I tried to meditate. I sat in the floor of my bedroom after the children had gone to sleep and I hummmmmed and I repeated to myself that I am strong and that I am me and that I have faith. I was nothing but positive. I went to bed feeling like the next day would be a better one and that I could stay calm and poised no matter what was handed to me. Today, I was fine until the sun went down and I had to come home from work and listen to the thoughts in my own mind. I ate a late dinner and beat myself up over eating anything at all. I hugged my husband and then I cried. Now I write because I need the release. I need to pour out my soul. So, here it is. I will go meditate and I will go to bed, but not before I weep just a bit more.
Paula G
Paula G
Monday, August 29, 2011
Lost
I am feeling so lost tonight. I feel like crying or laughing or screaming. I want to eat! I desire food so much! I don't want anything in particular, maybe something crunchy and salty or some bread. I want to eat because I am tired and for some reason sad. Food is my enemy right now and so I decided to blog. This is when the addiction rears its ugly head! I want to give in to the demons in my head. This is a great distraction, typing, mindlessly regurgitating everything I am feeling here on the screen. My house is quiet except for the sound of the keys as I tap on them. Going to bed would probably be the smartest thing to do right now, but my mind is racing. I keep thinking about all of my friends and family who are without power and whose houses have been torn apart. Also, I have been thinking about a friend of mine who is in a fight with one of her friends. I don't think I have ever been in a really heated battle without running in the opposite direction or just completely avoiding the people or person altogether. Now that I am older and have a few life experiences under my belt, I feel that this stuff that brings on confrontation and anger is so complicated. Yes, I get angry and I have had some confrontations even in the past year, but I don't want to have anymore. I know that this is impossible as I have small ones almost every day (and I still have quite a few more years to live through), but I don't want any more BIG ones. I don't hide my feelings anymore, I tell people just how I feel. This is something I have had to learn to do. I get frustrated when people are not honest with me, because I am honest. I also try to keep my nose out of other peoples' business and only give advice when it is asked of me. Now I'm not saying that I do not have opinions and that I do not judge (even though no one is supposed to judge anyone else), I do have opinions and I do silently judge. I also worry about what others think of me. That is a hard habit to break. There are some people who are important to me and what they think matters. I don't care about what the whole world thinks of me or people I barely know. Just the ones that matter in my heart. I am really on a roll here. I guess I am tired and my mind is unraveling and that is a good thing. I am glad to have this venue to feel things out.
So tonight I am feeling lost and sad and worried and I want to eat. I didn't eat, I posted here instead. Now maybe my mind will rest and I can ease into sleep.
Before I go, I want to say a prayer: G-d please protect all of the people I love. Keep them from going out of their minds, bring them the things they need, heal their wounds inside and out, mend their shelters and grant them serenity. Thank you for all of the blessings you have already bestowed upon us. Amen
Paula G
So tonight I am feeling lost and sad and worried and I want to eat. I didn't eat, I posted here instead. Now maybe my mind will rest and I can ease into sleep.
Before I go, I want to say a prayer: G-d please protect all of the people I love. Keep them from going out of their minds, bring them the things they need, heal their wounds inside and out, mend their shelters and grant them serenity. Thank you for all of the blessings you have already bestowed upon us. Amen
Paula G
Thursday, August 25, 2011
No Way Up
I have recently learned that when it comes to moving up the ladder in a job, the powers that be couldn't care less how many years you have been with the company, how many customers you have brought in during your that time, that you have only called in sick perhaps twice in those years or how much extra you have done. You may always go way above and beyond the call of duty, but it just doesn't matter. A pat on the back is all that is in store for you and sometimes even a call to say thank you.
It is because of all the things you do to be the best employee that cause you to not get recognition or a promotion. One day you realize that you are being used! They bring in new blood for a job that you are more than qualified for because they need you where you are. You know the company inside and out and you have hit the "glass ceiling." So, what do you do? Do you stay at the obvious dead end job? Do you fight for more (that could be scary)? People will continue to push you down, they will make false promises over and over again. You have two choices. You can either move to another state or district within the company because in that region they need "new blood" and you know the company, so you are a great candidate for them. Now you have to think about selling your house in a bad economy and uprooting your family, leaving your friends and the life you have known to continue to work for a basically corrupt company all because they don't give you what you deserve where you already live. Then you move and have a new position and a new hate for the company you have worked with for so many years. That sounds peachy. On the other hand, you can start looking for a job with a different company. You put your resume out there. You go to interviews (feeling guilty the entire time) and wonder why the new company won't be able to give you the four weeks vacation you have worked so hard to earn. The hardest part is knowing how much you have to give and how much you could be valued. You have strong degrees and experience, you have great leadership skills and terrific references. Maybe there are no openings out there. After all it is a bad time in our economy for jobs. You think about going back to school, but that is too expensive. So what do you do? Really... what do you do?
Paula G
It is because of all the things you do to be the best employee that cause you to not get recognition or a promotion. One day you realize that you are being used! They bring in new blood for a job that you are more than qualified for because they need you where you are. You know the company inside and out and you have hit the "glass ceiling." So, what do you do? Do you stay at the obvious dead end job? Do you fight for more (that could be scary)? People will continue to push you down, they will make false promises over and over again. You have two choices. You can either move to another state or district within the company because in that region they need "new blood" and you know the company, so you are a great candidate for them. Now you have to think about selling your house in a bad economy and uprooting your family, leaving your friends and the life you have known to continue to work for a basically corrupt company all because they don't give you what you deserve where you already live. Then you move and have a new position and a new hate for the company you have worked with for so many years. That sounds peachy. On the other hand, you can start looking for a job with a different company. You put your resume out there. You go to interviews (feeling guilty the entire time) and wonder why the new company won't be able to give you the four weeks vacation you have worked so hard to earn. The hardest part is knowing how much you have to give and how much you could be valued. You have strong degrees and experience, you have great leadership skills and terrific references. Maybe there are no openings out there. After all it is a bad time in our economy for jobs. You think about going back to school, but that is too expensive. So what do you do? Really... what do you do?
Paula G
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Sense of Accomplishment
I am so tired right now and should probably be in bed. But I had this strong urge to write tonight. I just finished updating my calendar on Microsoft Outlook. It took me two hours. I had to put in the events that were coming up for the school year for my two boys. We already have so much going on and I know that it is only going to get more hectic! I do have to say that I am relieved that it is DONE! That is what brings me to my blog tonight. A sense of accomplishment. I feel that I have accomplished so much in this past week. I have cooked, cleaned, done load after load after load of laundry, I have exercised and I have taken care of my family. Tonight I am feeling proud of myself. It is amazing how getting even the smallest of tasks done can make you feel so good. My life is coming together and I am starting to feel at peace. I think that is what we are all in need of, peace of mind. My children are safe the house is clean, everything is going my way. At least that is how I am feeling tonight and all I want to do right now is live in the present not worrying about the past or the future (not right now while I am feeling so good about today).
Okay, here is a final thought (or perhaps a prayer): May peace be with you and your family and may we all find within ourselves a sense of accomplishment. Goodnight.
Paula G
Okay, here is a final thought (or perhaps a prayer): May peace be with you and your family and may we all find within ourselves a sense of accomplishment. Goodnight.
Paula G
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Magic
A little drive off the beaten path, down a few winding roads and through a quaint little town rests a magical place.
This weekend my youngest child and I visited the magical place. My child has Asperger's and has a particular temperament. He needs to be prepared for everything that is planned in our schedule and he has some sensitivity issues. We talked about this trip a lot before it happened and he expressed marked excitement (a different kind of excitement from the usual excitement he expresses). On this paricular trip, his excitement wasn't over what kind of toys he might get to play with or what amenities this magical place had to offer. No, this time his excitement was over the people we were going to see.
Six years ago, we had these lovely neighbors who lived right across the street. A beautiful couple who we would wave to on occasion. One day my husband comes home from work and tells me that he has discovered that the woman living across from us is pregnant just like me. We are only a month or so apart. I say "how lovely" or something to that effect and go back to my soap opera. I was tired and miserable and while it was nice to know that my child may have a playmate, I just could not make the effort at this point to meet this woman. Some time passes and one day, coming home from a doctors visit I see that this woman has had her child. "How wonderful" I think as I struggle out of the car onto my crutches and fumble my way back to my bed where I am told to stay until my planned delivery date. About 3 weeks or so after the birth of my boy, progress is made and the 2 moms are hanging out with the babies sharing stories over tea (in our pajamas). A friendship is forged, we are kindred spirits and our sons are going to love each other. Two and a half to 3 years later, my friend, her husband and their son move away.
Fast forward to this past weekend. Saturday morning my little guy and I load the car and head to his great friend's house. We arrive just before lunch and the boys are instantly at play. The 2 moms hug and settle in to begin a long over due conversation about how our lives are going. We sit and talk for hours letting the guys run and play and have a merry time. We take a short trip out to a small beach on the lake and let the kids splash around and show off their swimming skills, then pick up a pizza and head back to the house to tuck in for the night. We allow the boys to stay up late playing Lego's and racing Hotwheels and we watch with such enjoyment over how these 2 guys can just pick up and reconnect.
On Sunday, my friend's husband (who is also my friend), gets the crew up and moving. We ride in the boat until the kids get too hot and then we take them to swim at the community pool. It was a wonderful day filled with talking and togetherness. We understand each other so well and they are so accepting of my child and his quirks. The flow and fit of this friendship is just perfect and easy, laid back and fun. We laugh and tease one another and I laugh at the banter between my 2 beautiful friends. And we ALL watch the kids our amazing boys (who essentially brought us together).
The magic of this place is not only the beautiful scenery, the small hills that roll in this quiet community, the deer that come right into the backyards , the lake that ripples and glistens in the sun, the screened-in porch with the sounds of the crickets and cicadas. That is all very nice and adds to the magic, but the real magic is in the people, the company, the ability to just pick up where we left off last time, the two little boys who adore one another.
This fact must be known, my son does not hug just anyone. There are members of my family who still only rarely get hugged by him. He won't give hugs to my friends who have shown him such a wonderful time, but when it is time to leave this magical world, my son cannot give his friend enough hugs. They hug as I pack, they hug as we walk to the door, they hug in the driveway, they hug as we get into the car. My son gave his friend more hugs than I can count and I am beaming with joy watching the wonder of this unfold before my eyes. It is as if he can't stop, he needs to let his friend know how much he loves him and this is his way of showing him.
As we pull out of the driveway after a very long and sad goodbye, my son says to me, "I don't know when I am going to see (my friend) again. I miss him already and I will miss him so much, I love him." I say "you know it is okay to cry if you are sad." He says he doesn't need to cry, he is just sad. This is the magic! My Asperger's son has explained to me how much he adores another human being, a person who has been in his life since birth and will be in his life forever his "best friend".
I sit there in the driver's seat thanking G-d for this blessing. "Thank you G-d for bringing this beautiful family into our lives" Life would not be the same without their magic.
Paula G
This weekend my youngest child and I visited the magical place. My child has Asperger's and has a particular temperament. He needs to be prepared for everything that is planned in our schedule and he has some sensitivity issues. We talked about this trip a lot before it happened and he expressed marked excitement (a different kind of excitement from the usual excitement he expresses). On this paricular trip, his excitement wasn't over what kind of toys he might get to play with or what amenities this magical place had to offer. No, this time his excitement was over the people we were going to see.
Six years ago, we had these lovely neighbors who lived right across the street. A beautiful couple who we would wave to on occasion. One day my husband comes home from work and tells me that he has discovered that the woman living across from us is pregnant just like me. We are only a month or so apart. I say "how lovely" or something to that effect and go back to my soap opera. I was tired and miserable and while it was nice to know that my child may have a playmate, I just could not make the effort at this point to meet this woman. Some time passes and one day, coming home from a doctors visit I see that this woman has had her child. "How wonderful" I think as I struggle out of the car onto my crutches and fumble my way back to my bed where I am told to stay until my planned delivery date. About 3 weeks or so after the birth of my boy, progress is made and the 2 moms are hanging out with the babies sharing stories over tea (in our pajamas). A friendship is forged, we are kindred spirits and our sons are going to love each other. Two and a half to 3 years later, my friend, her husband and their son move away.
Fast forward to this past weekend. Saturday morning my little guy and I load the car and head to his great friend's house. We arrive just before lunch and the boys are instantly at play. The 2 moms hug and settle in to begin a long over due conversation about how our lives are going. We sit and talk for hours letting the guys run and play and have a merry time. We take a short trip out to a small beach on the lake and let the kids splash around and show off their swimming skills, then pick up a pizza and head back to the house to tuck in for the night. We allow the boys to stay up late playing Lego's and racing Hotwheels and we watch with such enjoyment over how these 2 guys can just pick up and reconnect.
On Sunday, my friend's husband (who is also my friend), gets the crew up and moving. We ride in the boat until the kids get too hot and then we take them to swim at the community pool. It was a wonderful day filled with talking and togetherness. We understand each other so well and they are so accepting of my child and his quirks. The flow and fit of this friendship is just perfect and easy, laid back and fun. We laugh and tease one another and I laugh at the banter between my 2 beautiful friends. And we ALL watch the kids our amazing boys (who essentially brought us together).
The magic of this place is not only the beautiful scenery, the small hills that roll in this quiet community, the deer that come right into the backyards , the lake that ripples and glistens in the sun, the screened-in porch with the sounds of the crickets and cicadas. That is all very nice and adds to the magic, but the real magic is in the people, the company, the ability to just pick up where we left off last time, the two little boys who adore one another.
This fact must be known, my son does not hug just anyone. There are members of my family who still only rarely get hugged by him. He won't give hugs to my friends who have shown him such a wonderful time, but when it is time to leave this magical world, my son cannot give his friend enough hugs. They hug as I pack, they hug as we walk to the door, they hug in the driveway, they hug as we get into the car. My son gave his friend more hugs than I can count and I am beaming with joy watching the wonder of this unfold before my eyes. It is as if he can't stop, he needs to let his friend know how much he loves him and this is his way of showing him.
As we pull out of the driveway after a very long and sad goodbye, my son says to me, "I don't know when I am going to see (my friend) again. I miss him already and I will miss him so much, I love him." I say "you know it is okay to cry if you are sad." He says he doesn't need to cry, he is just sad. This is the magic! My Asperger's son has explained to me how much he adores another human being, a person who has been in his life since birth and will be in his life forever his "best friend".
I sit there in the driver's seat thanking G-d for this blessing. "Thank you G-d for bringing this beautiful family into our lives" Life would not be the same without their magic.
Paula G
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