Two years ago I made a
mistake. I let my father talk me into
letting my ten-year-old son get an iPhone for Hanukkah. At first I was very much against this. What I wanted him to have was an iPod. Something he could listen to music on, play a
few games, maybe look some stuff up on a secure Internet connection (from home)
where I could monitor him, but my father had a good argument. He said that he wanted to be able to Face
Time with his grandson whenever he pleased and that he would be getting a phone
down the road anyway and the price was not much different and (this one is
huge) he would be paying for the service.
Sold! So, why do I feel like this
was a mistake? First of all, he was TEN,
I mean a ten-year-old with a phone! What
was I thinking? We already had a little
flip phone that we had gotten when he started riding his bike around the
neighborhood and to a friend’s house.
All he could do with it was make calls.
We used it as a back up for various reasons as well. In the first year of having the phone,
everything was okay. He really didn’t
use it all that much and since none of his friends had phones, he only called
and texted family. The issues first
began when I wanted to restrict his Internet searching. IPhones have parental controls, but they are
not fantastic. I wanted him to be able
to search, just not see everything. I
had to disable Safari because I could not restrict the content. I loaded Google to the phone and I was able
to set restrictions, but once a tween discovers YouTube, the controls are lost
once again. I had to decide if I wanted
to let him surf the net at all. I thought
long and hard about it, looked for apps to control content and came up empty
handed. I decided to let it go for the
time being and would check his browsing history every day to make sure he was
being safe. That worked pretty well for
a little while. Then, he entered middle
school. This is where the real issues
begin. Now he listens to music I do not
approve of, texting with friend I have never met and wanting an Instagram, and Pinterest
accounts and whatever else all of his friends have. Until recently, I would not let him have any accounts. One day, he came home from school and told me
they had each created a Pinterest account in art and asked if he could have it
on his phone. I checked with the teacher
and indeed he was telling the truth, so I let him have it. I did some research on Instagram and there is
no age restriction to get an account like there is with so many others (i.e.
FaceBook). We sat down together to set
it up and I told him that he is never to change his password unless I okay
it. This allows me to have access to it
as well. I have already had to delete
some of his followers. I still do not
like the idea of him having this account.
Maybe I am paranoid, but I just want him to stay innocent for a little
while longer. This is becoming more and
more difficult. Especially as children
enter the dreaded middle school.
In middle school, children get
computers. They are to take them with
them to every class. Gone are the days
of the textbooks, everything they need is on their computer. The school maintains the computers and has
put security measures in place. They do
not limit the children’s’ Internet searching, they can still get onto YouTube
and various other sites with ease. They
even get to set up Google accounts. I
was not prepared for any of this. I know
first hand how doing homework on a computer can be very distracting. One minute you are typing a paper and the next
you are looking up how to grow grass in you backyard. Is this really the best idea for our
kids? Well, the computer leads to
wanting more on the phone. More music
with raunchy lyrics, more YouTube videos, more social networking, and the list
goes on. The point is, I no longer feel
safe. I no longer feel that my child is
a child. He is only twelve years old and
he is exploring a world way beyond his level of understanding. How am I supposed to be able to protect him? If I could do it all over again, I would have
stuck with a simple flip phone that could only make and receive calls. At twelve years old, they are trying to
figure out who they are. It is a time of
self-discovery and confusion. They have
multiple personalities, one with their parents, one with their friends and
another with their teachers and other adults.
Girls suddenly become important and peer pressure is at an all time
high. Homework gets harder and the
responsibility now falls on their shoulders to make sure everything gets
done. Teachers do not send home folders
bearing the week’s assignments; they use message boards on the computer. If your child is struggling with a subject,
it is up to you to find this out, they will not tell you. You do not have contact with a teacher unless
you reach out. That is added pressure on
you and your child. Let’s add this up,
puberty, self-discovery, homework, peer pressure, socialization, sports,
chores, the media, and so on. All at once,
our child is in overload.
I want to talk about one more
issue; text messaging. There is now way
to keep your child from deleting messages from an iPhone. There is no way to have their messages sent
to you in an email. They are not kept on
some file somewhere in Cyberland. You
cannot retrieve them at all. This is not
true for Andriod users. They have an app
or something that allows you to get text messages sent as an email as
well. I have been able to set up an
account on my Mac computer where I can receive iMessages from his phone, but
that is all I can do. I have had this
conversation with so many people. I have
been told that I should not snoop on my child’s phone. Really?
Why not? Give me one good reason
why a twelve-year-old child should have the right to privacy? We have set restrictions on the usage of the
phone. He is not allowed to take it to
bed and he cannot touch it in the morning until he is walking out the door. When he gets home, he has to give it to us
until all homework is finished. He used
to only get it on the weekends and we may revisit that rule. If homework is not done or grades start to
fall, the phone is off limits. That is one
good thing about the phone; it is great for punishment. He absolutely hates losing his phone. It does have a couple of good uses. When we are at the mall or he is at Kings
Dominion or some other place, not walking around with me, I know I can reach
him. I know that he can call for help if
he needs it. I can track him with the
GPS on the phone too and this gives me a bit of peace-of-mind. Although, this can be done with a simple flip
phone. So, if I can give any advice to
the ones who come after me, wait as long as you can to get your child a smart
phone. It has created new worry and
stress that you do not need. Let them
stay children for a little while longer.
They may get mad at you for making them be “the only one who doesn’t
have a phone,” but so what.
I am sharing some screen shots from
my child’s phone below. If you want to
know why I snoop, you can see for yourself. While I was snooping, the person who said he was "horny" sent a picture of his member. Now tell me not to snoop. I am sure my son does not know who this is or how they got his number, but the fact is that he has it. I am really glad I was checking on him because I can now put a stop to it. Thank you for reading and I look forward to the responses I am sure I
will receive.
